did you regret, did you forget?

i need to know how you feel. i need to know, what you really want. i need to know if you're staying or going.

things have been so hard for me, and it sucks to have to communicate with you through this world wide web. i feel so useless. i feel like i'm wasted. i've done all i could, and i hope you know that. you asked for time. but are you using that time to make things work? or are you still repeating the mistakes you knew you shouldn't have made before? whats happening to you? i can't take another day like this. i've been crying every fucking day of my life ever since this year, and i've never cried so much before...besides for D and you know that. you hate seeing me upset. how about me? you think i like seeing you like that? or us? you think i don't know how you feel? i know you're upset too babe. but what are you doing? really? concentrating on your new love? i mean really, how about me? you left me stranded here, and i'm sure you think i've got awesome friends. yea, i do. but the truth is i just couldn't think of anyone else but you whenever i need someone to talk to. take my clothing line for an example. i want to do it so badly, and you told me to go for it. where are you now? i want to tell you that i'm going to start in june. when the haji boss called the Cleo manager which was his sister in law and maybe i could get my dream job i just knew you had to be the first to know. but no. we aren't exactly ok. man, this hurts so much. i'm the one who's hurting more than you. i guess you don't really know how it feels. i'm here, all alone. all the friends are in 4/2. i've got no one to turn to. well you have it all. you've got everything you want. you've got a lover, you've got awesome friends. you've got everything in place, never mind about me.

i really don't know what you want. i tried so hard to give you the best of my ability.
but if thats not enough, i'm sorry i can't do anything more.

i love you so much,
you're the one and only that i can truly call a best friend,
and i don't care whether you don't or do treat me like one.
you're so precious to me, i can't believe this is happening.
i guess its time to let you go.

i'll always be here.

xx,
Jolyn

but..aren't best friends supposed to be forever?